I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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