all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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