***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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