i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
