Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
