I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
