I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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