I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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