Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
