Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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