Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
