I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
