Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize