that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
