I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
