Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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