Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

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(806): View more from Texas

How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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(614): View more from Ohio

You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg

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(818): View more from California

I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

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(240): View more from Maryland

We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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(509): View more from Washington

The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.

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(425): View more from Washington

P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.

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