I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
