We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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