i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your cock deserves a montage
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
