glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
