My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
