Ambien. No doubt about it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
