I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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