the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
