She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
