i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize