saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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