I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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