It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize