I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
