Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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