its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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