if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize