I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
