you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
