theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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