What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
