just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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