When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
