a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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