She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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