Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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