New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
