I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
