i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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