If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
