I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
