sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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