what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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