I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
