yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
