I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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