look no pants
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
