the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
