can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
