I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
