He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
