he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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