the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
