i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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