haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
