when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
