I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
