He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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