Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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