i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
