Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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