I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
