somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need water and some morals
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
