Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
