A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
