Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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