I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
