i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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