im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
