Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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