i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
