Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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