she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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