the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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