Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
