why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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