i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
