So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize