"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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