chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
