her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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