I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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