So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
