i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize