Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
