is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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