Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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