She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize