On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
