It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This gyro tastes like lonliness
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
