I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
