I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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