They should really pass out barf bags in church
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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