I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
