Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
