We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
