fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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