So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
