Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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