lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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