I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ruined the universe
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
