all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
