I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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