This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
