Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
