I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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