He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Never underestimate the power of titties
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