i would punch a child for taco bell
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
