you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
