me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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