Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
