There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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