you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
